You will always be my baby. I sit and think about you during different periods of your life. I think mostly about our last month together. I think of how great life was looking for us, seems like we all finally had it all together, finally had a plan and was on the same page at the same time. I think my mind can't fathom not being able to pick up a phone and call you Teddy, not understanding why you haven't come home yet. Trying to deal with this pain in my heart that takes my breath away. I try to think about the future and even though I'm doing what I think you would be proud of with Teddy's House, I can't move on emotionally without you being there. There is no positive memory in my adult life that doesn't include you. We have been together since I was 21 years old. I can't really picture anything without you, I don't want to. I think about leaving here today and meeting you in heaven. The ONLY thing keeping me here is Jalen. I would not take my own life, but I wouldn't mind my life ending just so I can be with you again. I read that you are happy in heaven, no more worries and pain. I wonder, are you more happier there then you was with me here being my son? I don't want you to choose between me and God. I guess that would be silly huh? Silly is me being able to have a normal life without you. Silly is people expecting me to actually get through a day without crying or yearning to hear your voice, touch your face. My beautiful boy, please let me know you are alright. Please know that I am so very proud of you, so proud of all of the ups and downs that we've had. You've made me a better person. I wish I could of known that you would be with me for such a short time. I was looking forward to you graduating, you being a father, you getting the career of your choice, you becoming the man that you aspired to be. I am soooooo glad that I got a chance to say I love you that day. I got a chance to see your handsome face. I wish I was able to protect you but ........ anyway son, I love you sooo very much.