I miss you so very much Teddy. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and take us back to Sept 20th so I can tell you how much. So I can thank you for all the times you made me laugh. For all the times you held me and made me feel safe. I want to tell you how so proud I am of you and how blessed I feel to be your mother. I wish I could tell you not to go and get Marissa but to stay with me until I got off of work. I wish I could have taken your place instead of all of the pain you went through, the torture, the fear you must of had knowing that they meant to harm you. What went through your mind when you saw that knife. My God Teddy, why did they go to that resort? Why were they filled with so much rage and why did they target my son? I am filled with so many whys, so many regrets on things I should done that done had I known...had I known the pain and agony my baby was going to go through. I'm so sorry Teddy. I feel like I failed you even through intellectually I know I didn't but it's my job to protect my babies and I didn't. I know you want me to somehow move forward, not to be so sad but it's so hard. I want to take away all the hurt and pain. If I could........ I would. I would take your place in a heartbeat to allow you to be here for your daughter. I know you would take care of Jalen. I know you would handle this better than I am. I always admired your strength. I never got a chance to tell you that. Please know, you are the wings beneath my wings and I love and miss you so very much...............