Teddy, I don't know what to say that I haven't already said to you my son. This picture is of your altar. I've had a candle lit every single day since you've left me. I started burning a green one as well to keep money in the house, and God has been providing. In a few days, I would of gotten that horrible call that you was stabbed. All the way to the hospital, it never even passed in my mind that it would of been so serious. I thought I would just have to take care of you for a few days, that somehow, you ended up in a situation. I wasn't even mad at you because I knew you was trying to do the right things at that time. I got there and they still never told me the severity until almost about 15 minutes before the doctor came out to see me. The patient's aid said it didn't look good. I thought that was so stupid of her to say such a thing to me, I dismissed her statement. I went into prayer warrior mode. I knew that God would answer my prayers. I didn't feel you slipping away. I guess now, you was already in spirit watching me go through all that I was dealing with at the moment. I'm going through all of the stages of grief this week. I feel like I have multiple personalities going on. I know you are with me and I don't want to let you down but I hate even having to plan a memorial for my son who should be 20 years old right now, planning what to buy for his daughter for Christmas, her christening, your 21st birthday, your graduation, etc etc etc.... your life. I am trying so hard to stay positive even about your organization but in truth, we planned this dream together, on running it together. I don't want your spiritual strength, I want your physical body here with me doing this and if I sound selfish then it's just what I'll deal with because I think I'm entitled. I gave birth to you and promised you to protect you for the rest of your life. I feel like I let you down and I don't know who to be mad at more. What are those boys even thinking right now? Do they feel like they are big and strong? Do they even feel bad for what they've done? I don't think so because their families still look at me stupid when we go to court like they don't even care.