Not sure how many of these entries I'll be able to make with a sane mind.  Here we are, making funeral and death anniversary postings while the next day is supposed to go on business as usual.  I'm so tired of THAT part!  The world only pauses for those couple of moments while my breath never catches up to anything else.  I'm so tired of being sad.  So tired of the what if only's that exist in my mind on a daily basis.  Why can't my life be normal like other parents who see all of their children grow up?  What if, what if, what if.......what if I never brought you into this world?  Could I stop feeling guilty for allowing you to get hurt that day?  I am sooooo very sorry that I wasn't there to protect you, Teddy.