My son. Here I am, preparing mentally for another court date. My days seem to be getting longer. My thoughts no matter what originally on, always go back to you, missing you, wishing that my life was anything then what it is right now. It's not about me. My world is only about you and Jalen and the baby right now. My world is tired of pain. Tired of being angry and sad all at the same time. Tired of having my far and few inbetween laughs followed closely by cries. I miss you so very much Teddy and would give anything else in the world to be able to turn back the hands of time. I think of this time last year, preparing for your birthday. I feel so bad because I don't remember what I bought you for your birthday last year. I don't remember what I cooked you for dinner. I don't remember what you wore. Funny, I can remember all of the details from the year before when we was in Kentucky. I'm struggling to remember......every single detail.....and I can't. I do remember what you ate the night before you left me. Jesus Teddy, I'm trying to get to the point of having a memory and actually being happy about it. I have, however, mastered the art of crying in public. I guess that skill can be used somewhere some day. I don't know anymore. I don't know about anything except until I know those boys will be in jail for a verrrrrrrrrrrry long time, I wont rest and I know you wont either. You are forever my baby and I love and miss you so very much. I don't know how their mothers feel but I know its no where in comparison to my pain. They may be missing their babies but at least they can hear their voice when they call. I have to settle for the recording that I have of you on my phone. No mother should have to ever feel this pain. Until tomorrow, I love you son..........