Hi, my baby. I'm having a moment. I felt you last night. I felt your strength, you was holding me. I heard from God. I'm convinced you are alright. Now I'm still working on me. I feel such an emptiness Teddy. People keep telling me, I still have to live for Jalen. I understand what they are meaning. What they don't understand is, I'm still living for you too. My heart although still filled with pumping blood feels so broken. I have never in a million years ever thought of you not being in my life. You want to hear something funny, someone once asked me what am I going to do when my kids get married and move away from me. I never even considered being re-married myself. I simply said, knowing them, they wont be too far apart from each other and one of them will just buy a home with a guest house attached for their mother. We will never be separated. Remember when you lived with your dad for 3 months? We spoke at least twice a day. I cried every day missing you even though I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to create that 'boys in the hood' experience for you. We all knew how that turned out. I quickly brought you back home. We are meant to raise our children but on many occasions, our children are the ones teaching us lessons that we missed in life. You taught me strength. People thought I was so together but they don't realize that it was the love and unity of my kids that kept me going. I knew whatever mission being worked on had to be accomplished cause I had sat down with the 2 of you, we strategized and I promised, it was going to work!! I always said, " I promise, we will get through this together.", and you always said, " I got you, Ma.". Jalen would just say, "ok" cause he trusted the both of us and knew we would always protect him. I miss you so much and it just over takes me sometimes. I want to hear you, touch you, laugh with you, tell you it is going to be alright cause I've already prayed on. My words are coming back on me because I've always told ya'll speak it into existence, your words have power. I'm speaking healing, comfort, peace......... I get it for a little while and then it hits me again. You aren't coming home. It hurts. I'm hurting that Jalen is hurting and for the first time in my life, I don't know what to say to make him feel better. He just keeps telling me, Ma, you don't understand. I don't try to pretend that I do. I don't patronize him. I just say I know Jalen, but I love you. We respect each other's grief and space. I'm dedicating this song to you. It's how i'm feeling right now. I can't even say i'm working from day to day, I'm doing moment to moment right now Son. In this moment...... I'm doing better being able to come on here and tell you how much I love and miss you baby boy. I will talk to you later. Love You Trinity Forever..........Mommy, Teddy and Jalen