I am so sad. I read that the 1st of every holiday of the 1st year of your being gone would be hard, but damn, if this is how I'm going to feel each holiday, I may start drinking or something a few days before. I don't know how I will get through this my son. This is in fact the very first holiday you are missing. Your favorite one at that. You loved to eat. You looooooooved to eat. I loved that. I loved cooking for you, you was so appreciative of a good meal. I would cook daily for you. Your brother simply eats to survive, you on the other hand love food. I don't have joy in cooking anymore. We finally have some real help coming. This country is about to really know your name baby. I mean, reallllly about to know you. Mommy didn't know how she was going to do it, but I was trying to hold it down for you these last few weeks out there lobbying for you. Finally, help is coming. I know you are proud of me. You already know, mommy will NEVER let you down. I'm going to find a way out of no way to hold down my boys. Ya'll are all that I have in this world who love me unconditionally through every thing. I don't want to figure out how to live without you in my life. I don't want you to ever think that I am wanting to go on without you.