I am soooooooooo sorry Teddy. I feel like I failed you. I know, I know, I already know what everyone is saying, Ena you are a great mother, yada yada. I feel like I didn't prepare you for the horror in this world. I kept telling you that being a good person is what the basic foundation of what is needed in this life. I kept saying God honors good hearts. That you will be blessed cause you was such a wonderful person. I had you optimistic about life. You was happy, you really thought great things was coming for you. I feel like I told you a lie. I don't even know how to talk to Jalen anymore. Ena, ms always looking at the bright things in life, always having a good word, I feel like my throat is closed. I want to have good things to say to him, but I feel like a hypocrite. How do I tell my son that I love him and will always protect him after he's suffering from losing his brother to such violence and brutality? I hurt so bad. All I do is cry. How do people move on from this? I don't want to hate those boys but I am so near. They are still chilling in jail, talking and laughing with friends and family while we are all so broken. I just want to tell you sorry. I want to hold you, lay your head on my lap like you used to do. Hear your voice, talk of our future together. I feel so alone. I don't want to talk to anyone, why, what for? I'm so tired of people telling me to lean on God. He is the only reason why i'm functional, trying to take care of Jalen, but other than that, I can't do very much more. I'm sooooo tired, my body aches. I don't know what else to do but cry son. I miss you so much.