My beautiful son....who I miss so much. My God, I should of lost weight by now from all of the tears that I have shed. I'm convinced, not a soul knows what to say to make me feel better. Even prayers only last until Amen is said. I'm told to think of good memories of you. That just re-enforces you not being here with me. I can't think of anything that I do that makes me feel better. I feel purposeful getting your story out, trying to make these boys get what they deserve, but it wont bring you back son. I am trying so very hard to rationalize this whole thing, what good is supposed to come out of this. I know God is supposed to get the glory out of everthing. I NEEEEED Him to show me where His glory is supposed to manifest because all of my pain is not bringing me closer to ministry. How am I supposed to speak a word to heal someone's heart when my heart is so broken? What am I supposed to do??? I need you to give me a sign or something, what do you think I'm supposed to do Teddy? I want to make you happy and proud also. As always, Ena wants to do the right thing. I've always taught you and Jalen to do the right thing. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I told you God honors those who keep his word, who have good hearts. You had such a good heart. Is He honoring you? Are you happy where you are? Did you suffer? Were you in pain? I want to go back to that day sooooooooooooooo bad. I never want September to come again. I want to protect you and Jalen from the evil of This world. Where were my gifts of discernment? Why wasn't I able to see that you leaving me that day wasn't a good idea? I am so sorry Teddy. I will try to make this up to you for the rest of my life. I miss you so very much, my heart is so broken. I love you to infinity. Trinity Forever...... Mommy, Teddy and Jalen