My son, my love, my heart. Today was normally one of the most special days of the year for me, you and Jalen. We would of put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. We would of stayed up all night long last night talking about the year, while I cooked, talked about our blessings and what we want to do differently next year with New Years coming next week. I know you have been seeing that since Thanksgiving, I've just been more and more depressed. I know it makes you upset when I'm upset. I am so sorry. I know in my mind that you have completed your work, that God is so pleased with you. I know that you left a legacy for me to continue and I promise you, I will do just that. But in my heart, this is so heavy on me. I CANNNNOT remember a Christmas without you Teddy. I never in not even in a nightmare, think that there would be a day that you wouldn't be with me. I always thought that you and Jalen would cremate me and have me in both of your homes. Remember, we've spoken about this in details many times. And here it is, I have your ashes in our home. I am trying so hard to stay strong for Jalen and I think I am succeeding. I know that I sit and cry all day but I try to tell him I love him everyday, I try to hide sometimes that I am even crying. I know it is depressing here most of the time, and I am trying son. Please continue to be with him, reassure him that you are with him in spirit and he is not alone. I feel he is so lonely without you. He keeps telling me I cannot replace you. I'm not trying to, I just want to bring someone into his life so he isn't alone. He meets his new mentor next week. I think you will like him. I pray there is a connection and Jalen likes him as well. I have a lot going on as I know you know as well. Please continue to keep me covered and feel you with me. I'm taking this one day at a time. I miss you soooooooooooooooo very much and love you with all of my heart my love. Merry Christmas. I love you baby boy.